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Chaos or Avoidance? 3 Skills to Master for Fighting Fair in Marriage.

One of the keys to having a fulfilling and enduring marriage is the ability to resolve conflict well. I’ve learned through the years of helping couples, that love has to be tested through the fires of conflict. The problem with conflict in marriages is not with conflict itself. It is how we view conflict, and how we deal with conflict.

Many have grown up in families or social systems where we erred in one of two ways. We either experienced conflict in a volatile way, which is chaos. Or we never experienced conflict, which is avoidance. Neither one of these are healthy, and neither one of these are sustainable.

Scriptures tell us certain things like, “speak the truth in love”, and to “be angry, but in our anger sin not”. And Jesus reminds us we are supposed to “forgive seventy times seven”. This would all indicate we are going to have conflict in our marriages. We should expect it from time to time. However, we are to handle...

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What does transformation look like in marriage? What vision do we want to help you have?

It's been exciting to see so many couples make a shift in their marriage. From complacent to intentional. From dull to vibrant. From marital conflict to deeper levels of healthy communication. From drifting to growing.

I get it. Life can be tough. If 30-50% of marriages end in bitter divorce and the other half don't look all that appealing, we have a lot of opportunity for growth.

There is hope! Transformation is real. PLEASE, don't allow the drift to crush you.

We hope you are blessed by this video we created recently. Our heart is to see your marriage protected and that your relationship becomes an amazing legacy. Don't wait too long before you capture a vision for your marriage and commit to moving toward the marriage you've always desired.

With hope,

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Wow! It's exciting to be serving marriages through [email protected]

We want to welcome all the visitors to our site and give a special welcome to all the new members!

This journey actually started through our train-wreck of a marriage during the first year. In fact, on our twentieth anniversary, I told Marilyn, “This has been the best 20 years of my life.” She responded, “It has been the best 19 of mine. There is no way I am giving you that first year!” Decades of marriage and five children later, I’m thankful for God’s kindness to us in saving our marriage after a nearly disastrous beginning.

Marilyn and I learned quickly that marriage is really nothing like dating. It’s a whole new deal. Living together, sexual freedom, merged finances, annoying habits, and all our faults become an instant reality. For some, the first year is easy. For us . . . within six months, I went from Marilyn’s favorite person to her least favorite person. Her perception of me went from “no one has ever loved me...

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You Married Three People!

I have been to many weddings officiated by my childhood preacher, and he always admonished the couple with these words: “Today, you are marrying three people: the person your husband/wife used to be, the person he/she is today, and the person he/she will be in the future.”

 

We all have a past. And that past affects who we are today. Some of us look back on an idyllic childhood, and some still bear the scars of hurts suffered. Some of us were raised with siblings, some weren’t. Some of us dealt with the pain of our parents’ divorce, while some grew up in healthy, intact families. Some knew early on the insecurity of money woes, and some grew up without a financial care in the world.

 

Most of us unknowingly project our relationships with our parents onto our relationship with our spouse. For instance, if nothing you ever did was good enough for your dad, you might have a hard time taking even the slightest criticism from your husband. But the...

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Cutting the Grass & Keeping Your Word

I knew I would marry my husband the day he told me, “Babe, when we get married you will never have to cut the grass.” Done. Signed and sealed. Yes, please.

 

As I write this, I’m watching him do exactly that. Cutting the grass is one thing I never have to remind him to do. He takes care of it without a comment or conversation. He knows it needs to get done and just does it.

 

A lot of things have changed over the course of our marriage. Life is that way. We can never predict the curve balls or the trials we will face. Like most young married couples, we thought we would be the ones who didn’t change. Our love would carry us through. While I can honestly say I love my husband more today than I did on our wedding day, our young, puppy love is not what has sustained us.

 

Do you want to know what has never changed throughout our marriage? God’s love. He never changes. He is always by our side. He has sustained us and held us up when we...

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I'm not better.

I was reflecting on the great impact of Ravi Zacharias. The first time I saw him he was teaching on the sin of pride. I sat, awestruck with the great authority with which he taught. He oozed wisdom yet spoke with such a humble countenance. He spoke of how God will allow us to fall into terrible outward sins to reveal the greater sin of pride.

We all know the famous warning verse “Pride comes before a fall” Proverb 16:18. We walk in pride when we do not seek God in areas of our life (Psalm 10:4). When I consider how this applies to my relationship with Brad, I have to ask myself “Where do I feel ‘I’m better than Brad’ in our daily life in regard to our home, our kids, our work…..”

If I am feeling “better” I am walking on a slippery slope. In our marriages, we bring differing strengths to the table. If I am walking in an “I’m better” mentality in my area of strength, it will lead to strife with Brad.

If...

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